Generosity
Delia's Tips
A little Laugh
Stroke Victims
One of those days
FW: * NEW WORDS FOR 2007
New technology from Apple
Senior Centre
a short riddle
Blondes
Handy flight companion
Tuesday's FUNNY...........
Leave us blondes alone
to all my online friends
Chopper at his best: "Harden The F*@# Up!" NSFW
Yanks & Guns
Emoticons
[No Subject]
Amazing
If
Children are wonderful
I am only the delivery boy.
Apologies to the Italians......
My dog Skippy
senior citizen
CHOCOLATE HAVE PLENTY OF IT FOR NEW YEAR
Cowboy boots
Top 10 Christmas Carols For The Disturbed
Have you seen the world's shortest books?
great XMAS gift
great XMAS gift
SPECIAL GIFTS
Xmas Joke
The Cold
How true!!
FW: Port Adelaide Maths Exam
onions & christmas tree's
Japanese Illusionist
Many fathers
True friends don't let u drink n drive
MERRY CHRISTMAS from SANTA.....not!
Man of the house!
Lateral Thinking
Collingwood girls - gotta love them!
THE PUMPKIN
Fishing
Migrants Excuse
The medicine man
Office Skirmish...
Senior Thinking--a smile for your day...
FlightSim X Game
Serious Sergeant Major
Speedbandits NSFW
Tall stories
More Blonde Jokes
Question
What all blokes have been looking to find out...how to keep a woman happy
Monday Afternoon Smiles
The Yuppie...
Warning....beware of little fingers.....
Beer Entrapment - timely, being that it's Friday
Vet Fees
Man accused of having relations with dog
Real #911 Calls
Can you figure it?
God is good
Gender test
Blonde Joke for the day
Shopping for a blow up doll
HOW TO POO AT WORK
Fwd: FW: Fwd: Who says men don't remember anniversaries?
Fairy Story
First Kiss....
Simple question, simple answer
FW: Plane Stuff
sexist jokes, though entertaining :)
blondes
Last Child Support Payment
The Truth behind Women's Restrooms
blondes?
SYLVESTER AND TWEETY
10 Worst Company web Domains
FW: check this out!!
Futuristic Motel
snow
FW: Men are happier people!
WORLD WAR III IS COMING!
History Test
Drinking Quotes
mwa huh huh
approaches
Scientific study
acronyms
hooker joke
Time for a Quickie
Irish Coffee
nurses
so......... Who's Proof Reading?
Brave Men
WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN
GOOD - BETTER - BEST
2 jokes
Pensions
Men Strike Back!?
Clever Aussie
FUNNY-- Cat lover or not
FW: Test for Dementia
A few things you have probably never thought about!
Joke of the Year
BEWARE OF SCAM...
Another Blond Joke
The extroidinary life of older people in the suburbs
They Walk Among Us
Little Johnny...............(again)
Mid Life Crisis...
Fairy tale
BLUFFING
dishes
THE JOKE THAT JUST HAD TO HAPPEN
Elmo joke
Charles and Camilla
LITTLE JOHNNY RETURNS
the audit............
FW: Help Desk Jokes - this is funny!
Women
Two women
the genie
AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT
Good joke!!!
Faulty Driver, Faulty Policeman
Joke of the week!
noah's ark
7 KINDS OF SEX
FW: More Sesame Street goodness
If football teams were women
FW: Your Brazilian shirt name
This is cool
Payrise
FW: Test for Cataracts........ NSFW
FW: Do you have 710?
Dear Dad letter....- brilliant!
FW: What a Great Idea! :-)
FW: ooohh im excited
FW: Full Nike Football ads - BRILLIANT!
quote from Robot Chicken
FW: Possible Recruit
FW: World Cup
FW: try to park the car - very addictive
FW: Four Friends
FW: Drivers Licence
FW: The story of Sheep
FW: Advice for a friday...
FW: pirate talk translator
WORTH REPEATING
Just a bit of Plain Humour.

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles."

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

==========================================

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

==========================================

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

==========================================

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."

==========================================

A DC-10 had come in a little fast and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

==========================================

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind an eight-engined B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."

==========================================

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

==========================================

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger...and yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."

==========================================

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

==========================================

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, and I didn't land."

==========================================

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

====================================
 
 
From Haldun on 11/24/2006